angry couple

Don’t Be Afraid of Being Alone. Be Afraid of Being In A Bad Relationship

It’s human nature to fear being alone. We have become such co-dependent creatures that just the thought of being alone or ending up alone in old age scares us to the point of staying with someone who is not right for us. Of course, there are tons of other reasons we might be afraid of leaving a bad relationship. But, at the end of the day, staying in a toxic partnership will only do more damage.

What are the signs of a toxic relationship?

There are many signs of a bad relationship. But, when one is afraid of being alone, they can be easy to ignore. Here are a few signs:

Controlling

Are you with someone who constantly calls to check up on you? Gets angry when you want to go out with friends? Demands to know your every move or make you feel guilty for doing something that excludes them? This is a toxic trait and another sign that being alone rather than with them is something you should be thinking about.

Belittling

Often, some of us who grew up with siblings spent a lot of time being bullied or belittled. Calling someone “stupid” or a “wuss’ or a “moron” are just some subtle ways people depreciate you. When we were younger, it was often more of a joke, and we did not even realize what we are doing. But as adults, belittling someone can break them, especially when it happens a lot. If your partner is making fun of you all the time or making you feel small, it’s toxic.

Not Taking Ownership

Sometimes it’s hard to admit when we are wrong, but if you are with someone who never accepts that they are at fault. It’s a problem. If your significant other can’t take ownership of their feelings or actions, your relationship will stagnate. You can’t grow or develop as a couple if you constantly repeat the same patterns.[1]

Ignoring You

No matter what you want or need, your partner puts themselves first. If this sounds familiar, you’re probably also used to being given the silent treatment when they are angry, or them making decisions without your input. Another reason being alone, at least for now, is probably a good idea. It’s incredibly unhealthy to ignore the feelings, wants and needs of someone you claim to love.

Being afraid

Do you find yourself afraid to speak up or give your opinion because your partner will get angry? Being afraid of tension should not be a factor in any relationship. A healthy partnership means being open, being able to have healthy debates, and being able to accept one another’s opinions no matter how much they might differ.[2]

being alone quote

Why do we stay & why are we afraid of being alone?

Often, we judge our friends when they won’t leave a relationship which to us is clearly a bad one. We don’t realize how difficult it can be to muster up the courage to leave. Here are some of the reasons why it’s so hard to close a chapter, even when it’s a negative one. [3]

Fear of the unknown

Possibly the number one reason we keep staying. We are too comfortable with our relationship and life, even though it’s dysfunctional and unhealthy. Change is scary. Thoughts of how many changes will have to take place once you leave someone can be overwhelming. So, instead, we put it on the back burner and continue to be in a bad relationship out of fear.

Not good enough

Being in a toxic relationship often makes us feel like we aren’t good enough. Nobody will love us. We are brainwashed and gaslighted into believing that we are lucky to be wanted by our so-called partner.

Money

This one ties in with our first point. And is a massive reason being alone is not an option in our minds. We stay because we rely on that person for money. Perhaps it’s because we don’t earn as much, or we live in their home or simply just can’t afford to live alone. We need to realize there are always other options and fear is all that’s holding us back from leaving when we should be.

It’s time to realize that being alone is okay

Staying in a bad relationship is never okay. For any reason. And once we have gotten over that hurdle and realized how being alone is okay, how it’s better for us, our wellbeing, and our mental health. We can finally grow, evolve, and eventually, find someone who is good for us. Being alone will give you an opportunity to reflect and learn what and who you really want. You’ll have time to start doing things you enjoy because you want to do them. And finally, you’ll learn to be independent and self-reliant instead of co-dependant. These are all things that will help you ensure that your next relationship is right for you, and if it isn’t, you’ll have the courage to leave because you’ve given yourself a chance to learn who you are, and what you deserve.

Keep Reading: Influencer Brags About Her Easy Life In Bali On Twitter, She Gets Deported Over It

Sources:

  1. 5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship.Psychology Today. John Kim LMFT. January 19, 2020.
  2. Is Your Relationship Toxic?” Health Line. Cindy Lamothe. November 10, 2019.
  3. The Top 7 Reasons We Stay in Bad Relationships.” Tiny Buddha
Jade Small
Freelance Writer
Jade is a freelance writer and content creator from South Africa with over 7 years experience writing and creating. She's also a proud single mom to a super 13 year old boy.