Money is a thorny subject for any relationship. So, when it comes to the topic of paying a mortgage or rent because someone wants to move in, sometimes it can create a rift. Even in relationships that seem to have the strongest of bonds, such topics can be a reason for massive arguments.
For Redditor u/BusinessSubstantial7, the topic has come up to haunt her relationship. She is a manager for social media. Her partner is a doctor. OP had decided to move in together with her BF. So he had decided to sort out their financial responsibilities.
That’s when BF got to know that OP earns more than double his earnings. And, BF immediately asked her to pay half of his mortgage. She turned it down and offered some other compromise. But he would insist. Thus, OP came to the r/AITA subreddit to see if she was the one in the wrong for not agreeing.
Now, before you jump to conclusions, there are many more subtle details to the story. Read on to find out.
A Costly Surprise
22-year-old OP and her 29-year-old partner had been dating for one and a half years. This is their present living conditions:
“I am currently renting an apartment and he has a house that he bought just before we started dating.”
As stated before, the two decided to start living together at BF’s house. So when they started discussing their finances, the BF was taken by surprise:
“He told me how much he makes and it was more or less what I expected. When I told him how much I make, he kind of laughed and said I’m supposed to tell him how much I make per month, not per year. I told him no, that’s how much I make per month. His shock was understandable to me- I make 150% of his salary.”
Read: Photo of Elderly Lady Standing on Train While Youngsters Seemed Glued to Their Phones Caused Outrage. An Excellent Reminder to Uphold Public Transit Etiquette
She explained that her client’s currency is about twenty times stronger than theirs. If she had worked in her country, her earnings would have been a quarter of his. Moreover, she also doesn’t lead an extravagant lifestyle. So it would have been difficult to tell by only looking at her appearances or accommodation.
After this revelation, the BF composed himself and told her that it was great news because she can pay half of his mortgage now. OP was surprised, at first. However, she replied that she could not do that. Instead, she would help out in other ways:
“I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t going to contribute to the household at all. I would’ve been happy to buy groceries, pay utilities and cook and clean because my workload is MUCH lighter than his.“
The Mortgage Was The Issue
But, the BF would not relent. He insisted on the mortgage:
“He retorted that since I make so much more than him that the least I could do is pay just half the mortgage and that we could go half on groceries and utilities.”
However, as per OP’s logic, if they were to ever split, then BF would still have a house. OP would be left with nothing to show for her investment. So, for OP, staying in the apartment would be a better choice.
She also offered to buy all the decorations and furnishing needed for his house. His house was hardly lived in and had the minimum amount to get by. This means two sofas, a table, a TV, and a bed. But, the BF still insisted that OP should pay half the mortgage.
The BF replied that paying his mortgage and paying rent is the same thing:
“He said that I still need a place to live, and that if I was going to be paying rent anyway, paying his mortgage would be the same thing. He said I’m being an A-hole for not wanting to pay it.”
So, OP asks if she really is the A-hole for agreeing to it. She later clarified that half the mortgage is roughly 3 times her present rent. She also said that she would have had no problem paying half of BF’s rent. For her, it was the principle and not the money.
The Internet Was Divided On The Mortgage Issue
Redditors could not agree on any one side, although the majority leaned towards OP being in the right. The top comment said that OP should always choose her own freedom:
“NTA Please continue to live on your own terms, but your own place or pay rent. Your boyfriend isn’t even interested in figuring out what your reasonable portion of rent would be. He just wants to cash in on your help. He sounds entitled.”
–Lurker_the_Pip
Read: Star Employee Quits Job After 6 Years Because he didn’t get a Raise, Company Suffers $3m Loss
Others were of the opinion that OP is wrong for expecting to stay at a place without contributing to the mortgage or rent. For instance:
“YTA (by a lot)
Her boyfriend is offering a 50/50 split on all bills. Considering she earns 1.5 times what he does she’s getting a great deal. She should be paying 60/40 so that 10% that she isn’t paying she can put into savings for if they break up.
It could be that she feels 50% of the bills for that house is too high, and so should see if they can look into getting a smaller place together. If she chooses to move into the more expensive house then she should pay her fair share.”
–Madman_Dan13
Others were more on the fence. Some said that both were in the wrong:
“ESH. Considering half the mortgage is much more than you currently pay in rent, I don’t think that is a fair amount to ask. I also don’t think insisting on $0 is fair either.”
–rosered96
While others argued that both were logical and correct in their reasoning:
“NAH. It’s reasonable that a person would want to split living expenses in half. Two people, half and half. However, usually BOTH people get to pick the place they choose to live on to make sure it’s on budget for both of them.”
–Complex_Ad8174
Who Was Correct?
We do agree that OP should have something to show for all the money her BF is asking her to pay. However, the BF is not entirely incorrect in expecting her to pay half of the mortgage because she would be living there. This is the advice that OP seemed to personally like:
“Make up a contract (get it notarized or whatever necessary to legitimize it,) that states if you help pay down his mortgage and should you two break up he has to buy you out for all the months you helped pay that loan of his down… If you get married he signs you into the mortgage so you’re protected in case of divorce.”
–Louisetoherthelma
So, what do you think OP should do? We would love to know your thoughts on the situation in the comments!
Keep Reading: Reddit ‘scientists’ share the scariest things humanity ‘doesn’t know’ about the world
Attention: While many of these stories are interesting, and we would love to take their word for it, the content in this article was taken from an unverifiable source (i.e., a Reddit forum). As such, we cannot guarantee that these events truly happened in the way that they are described in the original source.
