In the old days, having sex before marriage was scorned. Women who went to bed with men out of wedlock were seen as fallen women. The modern world is quite different. Some women even feel the need to hide the fact that they are a virgin for fear of being mocked. One 35-year-old woman is proud to announce her virginity to the world. She refuses to break her moral code unless she meets a man worth marrying.
No sex before marriage
Sonali Chandra is 35 years old and she has never had sex. Where some women would cringe to admit this, Sonali is proud of it. She refuses to have sex before marriage, and holds that value high in regard. Her moral code is important to her. “I’m 35 and hold my V-card with pride,” Sonali said to Insider. “I need a ring on my finger before I lose it to my one and only. I’d be devastated if I betrayed my principles and had a one-night stand.”
When her friends discuss the topic, she stays out of it. She feels there is no need in tempting herself with the details she is yet to experience. Her father wanted her to find a husband who had strong Indian values and he offered to introduce her to many men with respected careers but, Sonali isn’t interested in an arranged marriage. Specifically, if her father was choosing the groom. “I didn’t trust my dad to pick out a husband for me,” said Sonali. “He’d want someone just like himself. My parents’ marriage — which was arranged in India — was challenging.“
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Sonali was adamant to remain a virgin until she was married. She had her own reasons besides the religious ones. She spoke about past flings and relationships with men who didn’t respect her decision to not have sex before marriage. “I hated the idea of instant gratification,” she said. “It was a culture shock to date in Manhattan, where I worked on Wall Street in my mid-to-late 20s. Guys would develop an attraction for me, but I’d realize that all they wanted was to take me to bed. If they were going to use me for sex and vanish the next morning, I’d have been mortified.“
Another reason is she would be heartbroken if someone got her into bed, and then disappeared. Ghosting is quite a common occurrence in the modern dating world, and Sonali wants none of that. “Four years ago, I met another guy I really liked,” she said “One night, we were having a drink in a hotel bar and he wanted to rent a room. I told him that it would be my first time. He said, “You deserve someone who will always be there for you, but I can’t be there for you.” He didn’t return my phone calls or texts after that. It strengthened my theory that I couldn’t have sex with a guy who could ghost me.“
So far, the nine men she has dated in her adult life have not proven themselves worthy. “I’ve dated nine guys in my life. Each has turned out to be a jerk. They asked me out based on my appearance, but after I told them about my high standards and morals, they disappeared.”
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To have sex before marriage, or not to – that is the question
The age-old battle of beliefs is not something easily argued. We human beings are notorious for being stubborn with our belief systems. To argue whether or not to have sex before marriage is difficult. There are so many different reasons that lead us to the decision we make. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what you want. But here are some of the reasons that may influence your decision.
These days, the vast majority of people have sex before marriage. In 2010, a study was conducted involving 2035 married participants. Some who had waited to have sex after marriage, and some who didn’t. Interestingly, the study found people that people were happier if they abstained from sex until after their wedding day.
According to the study people who waited until marriage rated sexual quality 15% higher than people who had premarital sex. Secondly, they rated relationship stability as 22% higher. Lastly, they rated satisfaction with their relationships 20% higher
On the other hand, not everyone wants to get married. This means there are many people who prefer a life without commitments because they are focused on their careers. Yet, they are sexually active. Ultimately, the decision is up to you. Everyone has a unique experience in their lives so there is no right or wrong choice.
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- “I’m a 35-year-old virgin and I won’t have sex before marriage. The 9 men I’ve dated so far have been jerks about it.” Insider. Jane Ridley August 4, 2022.
- “Real Reasons for Sex Before Marriage.” Psychology Today.
- “Benefits in Delaying Sex Until Marriage.” WebMD. Bill Hendrick. December 27, 2010.
- “Compatibility or restraint? The effects of sexual timing on marriage relationships.” American Psychology Association. 2010.