From the minute we are born, we have societal norms and expectations put upon us. Girls in pink, boys in blue – you know the drill. Little girls growing up are often asked about if they want to be a mom one day or how many kids (note, not if, but the quantity) they will have. The option to be something outside of those norms isn’t really presented to us. For this reason, many people who don’t fit in those boxes don’t realize it until later in life.
This is what happened to this woman when she arranged a threesome for her husband on his birthday. This birthday gift ended up making her realize why she’d felt so out-of-place in her life for so long. It made her realize that she was a lesbian. (1)
Woman’s Birthday Gift To Her Husband Makes Her Realize She Is A Lesbian
Thirty-six-year-old Teresa Rose from Portland, Oregon, said that despite a loving husband and two beautiful young boys, she never quite felt happy in her marriage. She couldn’t quite put her finger on the reason why. After all, she had the life that growing up in a strict catholic family had taught her would bring her joy. So why wasn’t it?
In 2020, for her husband’s birthday, she arranged for them to have a threesome. Stereotypically, every man’s dream, right? It was this birthday gift, however, that made Rose realize what had been the cause of her unhappiness all along. The problem wasn’t anything her husband was or wasn’t doing, the issue, she realized, is that Rose is not straight. Rose is a lesbian.
“Experiencing that intimate interaction with a woman for the first time, the physical and emotional depth was [so intense], I was like, ‘Oh my God, this is what’s been missing,’ ” Rose explained. (2)
Not long after that, she knew she could no longer stay in her marriage. It wasn’t fair to her husband or her children, and it certainly wasn’t fair to herself. She decided to file for divorce.
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She’d Been Denying Her True Self For Years Without Knowing It
This realization was not necessarily an easy one for Rose, and it is not surprising that it took her over 30 years to come to it. Her family and her church growing up had taught her that “all gays go to hell” and that being homosexual was a very bad, unnatural thing. Rose explained that she’d had crushes on women, primarily famous women, her whole life. She downplayed her attraction to celebrities such as Pink, Megan Fox, Carmen Electra, and Jessica Alba as innocent admiration because actually being attracted to them was not permitted as an option. Being with a woman opened her eyes to who she really was – there was no going back afterward.
“After being with that woman, I said to myself, ‘This is why I’ve been so unhappy in my marriage,’ ” said Rose. “My relationship with my husband, emotionally, felt so shallow and lonely compared to my connection with the woman.”
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No Support
Unfortunately, Rose did not receive support from either her ex-husband or her family. As can be expected, her ex was not expecting to be divorced. He did not take the news well and quickly outed Rose to her highly conservative parents, their mutual friends, and their bible study group. Many of her family and loved ones did not take the news well and did not accept Rose for who she was. This caused her to fall into a very dark place where she even contemplated committing suicide.
Thankfully, before she had the opportunity to actually follow through with those thoughts, she met someone. This woman’s name is Jaqui, Rose’s now girlfriend, who she credits with saving her life. The couple moved to Portland, Oregon together where they are raising Rose’s two boys. Her parents have essentially disowned her and removed Rose from their will. Despite this, she says she is happier now than ever before. She has become an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, specifically for women who come out later in life.
“It feels so free to finally live authentically.” she said.
Her Story Is Not Uncommon
Sexual fluidity researcher Lisa Diamond says that Rose’s later-in-life discovery is not actually all that uncommon. While there is pressure on boys from an early age, too, the pressure put on little girls to find a husband and have children is much greater. She says that many women, straight or otherwise, have a “broader capacity for diverse forms of sexual desire” than they realize because they are taught to only think of relationships as monogamous with a man.
“As women, we are raised to assume that we are heterosexual, and [are taught to] focus on finding the right male partner,” she says. “It’s not that these women suddenly become gay or bisexual. They may have always had a capacity for same-gender relationships, but may have never had the opportunity to even ask themselves whether this was a possibility for them.”
Hopefully one day Rose’s loved ones will come around and learn to love her for who she really is instead of only the version that they wanted her to be. Always remember that it is important to live your life as your authentic self. If you are struggling, reach out for help. You are not alone in any situation and there are people in the world who will love and accept you for who you really are.
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Sources
- “Wife and mom-of-two who arranged threesome for her husband’s birthday reveals it made her realize she was a LESBIAN and led her to DIVORCE him just weeks later.” Daily Mail. Lillian Gissen. February 8, 2022.
- “I gave my husband a threesome — and then I left him for a woman.” NY Post. Asia Grace. February 8, 2022.