If you are moving in with or already live with your significant other, how do you split living costs? Things such as rent, utilities, groceries, and internet? This girl who was considering moving in with her boyfriend had the same question. The reason is that her boyfriend, who makes $500k a year while she is an unemployed grad student, wants to split the rent evenly. She brought the question up to the Reddit community to make sure she wasn’t crazy for thinking that this was ridiculous.
My Boyfriend Wants To Split The Rent Even Though I Am Unemployed
When the Original Poster (OP) first began dating her boyfriend, they were both students who weren’t making much money. She was in her undergrad and he, 10 years her senior, was finishing his Ph.D. and working as a research assistant. After he completed his Ph.D., however, he got offered a job at a hedge fund that paid $300k per year. Then, a company offered him a job across the country that would pay him $500k after bonuses.
He wanted OP to move across the country to live with him. She said while it’s not her first choice of places to live, she was fine with moving. She knew she could find a grad school there without issue. OP did clarify saying that while she wasn’t working, her family was providing her with money to cover her expenses while she was still in school. The only issue? Her boyfriend wants to split expenses, including rent, evenly.
“The only issue is he wants me to pay half the rent and half of all our expenses. This would amount to around $2500/ month. My family is capable of providing me with this money, but we are not exorbitantly wealthy so it is a lot of money for us. My family also thinks it is really unreasonable for my boyfriend to ask me to pay these expenses when he makes enough money to support the both of us easily. My boyfriend thinks it is completely reasonable for my family to pay these expenses for me.” OP wrote. “Do you think what my boyfriend is asking for is reasonable or not?”
The End of The Relationship
OP went on in an edit to say that by the time she posted her original question, she had decided her answer. She then went on to break up with her boyfriend. OP said that they obviously had completely different views on finances.
“After I told my bf that I was breaking up with him, he completely changed his tune and said that he did not want me to pay expenses and that he would actually pay me a monthly allowance to live with him. By that point it was too late to fix things, however, and I decided that we should go our separate ways,” she wrote. “I also know my worth and know that I can find someone who treats me a lot better.”
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Reddit’s Response
There was an overwhelming response from Reddit that was basically: This guy is being completely unreasonable. Many users shared a similar opinion. If you’re going to live with your significant other and you want to split costs evenly, you go with an option that the lowest-paid person can afford.
“This is how it works when couples want to split living expenses evenly. YOU LIVE ON WHAT THE LOWEST PAID PERSON CAN AFFORD!!!” wrote one user. “It doesn’t matter if he makes 500k a year and can afford a 5k a month apartment. You make the least, so you guys can only live at what you can comfortably pay. If he wants more than you can afford, he can pay the difference. That’s how you split costs fairly in that situation. It is unreasonable for him to expect your family to foot the bill to meet his cost of living requirements.”
Other people also talked about equating the expenses as a percentage of income so that both people are contributing without rent and more putting one person in a financial bind. Plenty chimed in with examples of how they and their significant other split bills and living costs, particularly when there is a large income difference between the pair.
“OP’s boyfriend has three reasonable options – live on OP’s budget, pay more of the expenses to live on the budget he wants, or restrict his dating pool to people with a similar income.” said one commenter.
Big Red Flags
Many others talked about how many red flags there were in the situation. Especially after she added the edit where she mentioned that he was willing to give her an allowance. For many, her moving across the country and being financially dependent on this clearly manipulative person was a big no.
“I’m a lot more concerned that his goal here is to get her to agree to the move and since she won’t make enough money to pay for that lifestyle he’ll “just have her give him what she has” under the ruse that he’ll pay for everything else, thereby forcing her to be halfway across the country away from her family and completely financially dependant on him,” wrote one. “It concerns me more that OP is willing to move across the country potentially without being certain she can even graduate. What is her exit plan here if they don’t work out?”
Long story short: OP broke up with her boyfriend and Reddit completely agreed with her. To anyone reading this: Never let someone manipulate you in any way, including financially. Always make sure that you are financially independent so that you don’t get trapped in a bad situation.
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Sources
- “My (22F) boyfriend (32M) wants me to move in with him and pay half of all our expenses.” Reddit.
Attention: While many of these stories are interesting, and we would love to take their word for it, the content in this article was taken from an unverifiable source (i.e., a Reddit forum). As such, we cannot guarantee that these events truly happened in the way that they are described in the original source.
