Relationships come and go, so what does it take to cultivate one that lasts? According to experts, there are many things we can do to make our relationships work as well as signs that our relationships may be coming to an end. Here is a list of 6 things that may be happening in relationships that are sure signs it will ultimately fail and 5 things you can start doing now to help cultivate healthy and happy relationships.
“The Four Horsemen” and Their Friends.
Although no one likes to feel that their efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated, it is normal to express oneself freely within healthy relationships. After all, there are multiple people who have needs that should be met. Sometimes getting needs met is achieved through complaining, which differs from direct criticism. When we criticize our significant other it can leave them feeling dejected and frustrated. You can catch yourself using criticism when you say the words “always” or “never” when describing something your partner does or doesn’t do.
Thinking back to our childhoods, many people grew up in homes where criticism was an everyday thing. Typically parents had the best of intentions and just wanted to encourage us to be the most successful versions of ourselves. Unfortunately, because delivery was harsh or hurtful, many people respond to complaints as though they are criticisms. This cycle leads to partners then becoming defensive which can cause the other party to feel as though their needs are invalid, unimportant, or unheard.
We’ve, most likely, heard the term stonewalling in a relationship. However many people don’t know what this means, which makes it an even bigger threat to relationships than most people realize.
Licensed marriage/family therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw explains “Stonewalling is exactly as it sounds: when someone in the conversation starts to act like a stone wall.” She then goes on to explain “it’s likely they are in a state of physiological flooding. Physiological flooding happens when the body detects a threat.The parts of our brain responsible for relational behaviors goes offline. This means we dip into our survival instincts “. It is because of this defense mechanism that many conversations revolving around conflict are left unresolved.
It is important to learn how to effectively communicate our needs to our significant others. When we lovingly express ourselves it becomes easier for our partners to respond in a manner that is also loving.
“When people have contempt, they are expressing their discontent by utilizing shame and mean-spirited sarcasm to put someone down.”  Often, contempt can cause emotional pain that may eventually be seen as emotional abuse.
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5. Harsh Startup
According to experts, this is a sign that’s both straightforward and easy to predict. When every conversation starts out in a way that is harsh or hurtful it is a likely indicator that the conversation will stay that way and ultimately be reflected in the rest of the relationship. ”My research shows that if your discussion begins with a harsh startup, it will inevitably end on a negative note. Statistics tell the story: 96% of the time, you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three minutes of the interaction.”